WALKING SOLO on VALENTINES DAY

"O Romeo, Romeo, 

wherefore art thou Romeo"

SHAKESPEARE

OH, VALENTINES DAY!

It is 2017, and for the first time in 11 years I am spending it alone.

Before you say oh man I am so sorry, or begin to feel bad, HOLD IT UP!! STOP!

 Do NOT for a second feel bad for me!

This is the FIRST Valentines Day I am truly GOOD!

The Valentines hype starts at a young age for us girls. I can remember back to middle school, when we could buy flowers for friends/crushes through the school and send it to that special persons homeroom on Valentines Day.

I would sit with anticipation as they would call peoples names to receive there gift of affection, and as other girls went up to receive their flowers, I sat... and sat.... and sat...

I was never so lucky to receive one of those flowers.
My expectation, or desire was always crushed because I thought it meant I was special if my name was called.

For girls, the desire to feel loved, wanted, admired starts young!

No I was never a girl with "daddy issues," my father is an incredible man and dad, who always went above and beyond for me and has truly given me a great example of what my HEAVENLY Father looks like.
I am blessed to have the amazing Dad (aka PAPA) I do have.

However, Satan goes to work at a young age in a girls heart to make us feel like we are NEVER GOOD ENOUGH!

We feel like we have to try to be someone we are not, that we will only be loved or accepted if we look a certain way, do certain things, and act a certain way.

Satan will even use people in your life to CONFIRM this!
People may have made fun of you as a child, they may have put you down, they  may have called you names.  These beliefs of yourself begin at a young age. Your self worth and self esteem may have been damaged as a kid.

People TODAY, may still put you down, call you worthless, that you amount to nothing, that you will go no where in life, that you are an idiot, that you are fat or you are ugly....  you get the point.

LISTEN UP!!!

If all you listen to, are people, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HURT AND DISAPPOINTED!

When we put our value on things, on gifts, on peoples words, we completely lose WHO WE ARE!

As a young girl, I sat on Valentines days, never being the one to receive a flower in school.  I was disappointed year after year.   This simple little act opened the door for Satan to speak,

"Amie, you are not loved, 

you are not good enough, 

you are not pretty enough, 

you have to be different 

(like the rest of the girls) 

in order for people to like you."

Year after year, I began to listen to these lies.  As a result the doors opened to becoming more rebellious, leading me away from God.  With every lie I believed, the more and more I felt alone, and unworthy.

I even married someone that confirmed all of these things.  I was told I was not good enough, that I was a piece of ______ (fill in the blank).  and on and on and on.....

Yet, despite the dysfunction, every Valentines Day I looked forward to hopefully being validated through a piece of chocolate, a card or flowers, like somehow that would prove I was worthy of being loved.

Year after year, Valentines Day would come, leaving me yet again gravely disappointed.
Why? Because in my inner being, I knew the LOVE and acceptance I was looking for and desperately needing, could not come from these gifts.

My validation could not come from a person or earthly things, PERIOD!
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So for the FIRST TIME in 11 plus years, I am not looking for validation that, I am loved or worthy. from a man, or gifts.

Finally 

(it only took 29 years) 

I BELIEVE, with all of my heart I AM LOVED! Right now, right here, JUST AS I AM! 

I do not need a Valentine to prove their love for me.  I do not need gifts to show I am worth thinking about or spending money on.

(ok don't get me wrong, those are all nice things, 

there is nothing wrong with them, 

they are all things you should do when you love someone.  

HOWEVER our value can not come from them!!)

I confidently can walk solo this valentines day because 

I already have a GOD who loves me, endlessly, 

and even went to the cross and died for me!

Romans 5:8 

 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

God bought you and He bought me, at the highest price. 

 He CHOSE ME! Just like He CHOSE YOU! 

SERIOUSLY WE ARE HIS CHOSEN ONES! 

1 Corinthians 6:20 

For you were bought at a high price. Therefore glorify God in your bodies. 

I do not need a Valentine to show me my worth. I have a God who not only made me a coheir (Romans 8:17) to his kingdom,

but He calls me wonderful.

Psalm 139:14

I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

He calls me precious.

 Proverbs 3:15

 She is more precious than rubies; NOTHING you desire can compare with her. 

He dances and sings over me. 

Zephaniah 3:17 

For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. 

He will never leave me. 

Hebrews 13:5

 I will never leave you, nor forsake you. 

No chocolate, no card, no flowers, no jewelry can give me the love that JESUS CHRIST has for me, and THAT IS ENOUGH!

No VALENTINE can promise me these things, no human can give me this kind of love or comfort. PERIOD!

-----------------

Over the last 11 years, I bought into so many lies.  I lived in survival mode for so long, I could not see my worth.

However, over the last 8 months (while going through a divorce), shifted my focus! Instead of buying into the lies, I have been focusing on what God says about me.

When we begin to see our WORTH from Gods perspective, earthly "worth" no longer matters!

----------------

I have done a ton of reflection in wondering how I allowed myself to get to this point.  How I allowed someone to treat me the way they did.  How I allowed myself to believe the things I did.

And what I realized is,  

it is a slow fade.  

It doesn't happen over night.  It is the little lies I began to believe in middle school, that built up in high school, and were validated in college and through my relationship and then marriage.

It is in the little lies, over time, that all add up.  One lie at a time our beliefs and values change and shift.

If we DO NOT ROOT ourselves in the TRUTH of Gods word, we will buy into the lies of not having worth, of never being good enough.

WE NEED TO SEE OUR VALUE THROUGH CHRIST!

There are too many of us women and girls walking around defeated, disappointed, feeling worthless, unloved and damaged.

There are too many of us seeking attention, affection and love in ALL THE WRONG AREAS, leaving us broken and empty.

I GET IT!
I was there. Heck, I still am there in many ways.  It is something that God is working on, in my life daily, through His word.

But the amazing thing about God is. YOU ARE NEVER TOO FAR GONE! YOU ARE NEVER TOO BROKEN, TOO DAMAGED, TOO HURT, TOO DIRTY, TOO ASHAMED, TOO EMBARRASSING, TOO DYSFUNCTIONAL, TOO SINFUL, for GOD TO LOVE YOU. 


LET HIM FILL YOU, this Valentines Day!

There will be no disappointment.  No hurt. No emptiness.

Whether you are spending Valentines Day alone this year like me, or you have a sweetheart, let this Valentines Day be a reflection of GODS LOVE.

Learn to CONFIDENTLY WALK SOLO 

this Valentines Day, 

by saturating your heart 

in our Heavenly Fathers unfailing Love! 

The God of ALL the Universe, hand picked YOU! 

Colossians 3:12

God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. 

YOU ARE LOVED 
XOXO

PALEO BANANA BREAD

My son is on a strict diet of sugar free dairy free and gluten free.

Because of his intolerance, I have made it a point to create healthy options so he does not feel like he has to miss out on every day foods that he enjoys.

I truly believe there is ALWAYS a healthier option to our "guilty pleasure foods." 

I've been playing around with recipes for almost a year now, and banana bread is ALWAYS a favorite little treat, and breakfast item!

I have not been really happy with other recipes I found, and this one I came up with has been by far the BEST!!!

My kids, 9,5 and 2 1/2 ALL love this bread. 

In fact I would suggest making 2 loafs! 

You can always freeze the other one for later!

Here is it!

GLUTEN FREE, DAIRY FREE, AND SUGAR FREE BANANA BREAD!!!!

3/4 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
3/4 cup almond flour
1/4 cup coconut flour
3/4 cup date sugar or maple sugar
2 Tbs melted earth balance (dairy free butter)
2 large eggs
2 very ripe bananas
1tsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup maple syrup (organic/pure)

Mix together in blender and pour into a non stick bread tin. 

Bake at 350 for 45-55 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. 

** NOTE THE DARK SUGAR WILL MAKE THE BREAD LOOK DARKER, so MAKE SURE to do the clean toothpick test, to make use you do not under cook, or over cook! **

I would love to know what you all think about the recipes!!!

LEAVE ME A REVIEW BELOW!

ENJOY MY FRIENDS!!!

No Matter The Chaos, You Can Still Control Your Breathe

During Lacrosse season, freshmen year of high school, the air was different than what I was used to.   In the fall, I played Field Hockey, and for some reason I found it hard to breathe while we were running in the crisp spring air.
  
It was hard to breathe and the more I thought about not being able to breathe, the less I could breathe, the tighter my chest became, and the more panicked I became.  I couldn't even focus on my running, let alone playing in a game. ALL I could think about was my frantic breathing, and my racing heart. 

I still don't know why that season I couldn't breathe properly, but I learned quickly that if I didn't calm my brain down, and start to calm my breathe, I wasn't going to be able to run, let alone PLAY at all. 

So I began to speak to myself while I ran.  Slowly, Breathe in, Breathe out, You can Do this. Stay Calm, I am fine, nothing is wrong... 
(call me crazy.. it is what it is, I did it and it helped!)

But as I spoke to myself I could feel my breathe slow, my heart stopped racing and I was able to run faster.  

I did this every time we would go for a run (which was quite often, unfortunately for us girls who don't consider themselves runners.  When your coach for lacrosse is also the cross country coach, get ready to become a runner whether you like it or not!). Pretty soon I had trained my breath to remain calm, and sturdy no matter the run, and this way of breathing became second nature. 

When we were running sprints, or in the final seconds of a game, I was never out of breathe.  My breathing remained calm and controlled, while my feet pumping at super speed. (well super speed for me anyway) 

I no longer had to talk to myself to convince my breath to slow down, it became second nature. 

No matter the circumstance, no matter the length of the runs, the terrain, or the speed of the game, my body never felt over exerted and my breathes remained controlled. In fact my game improved.  My speed improved, my endurance improved!

Crazy right! 

Slowing my breathe and keeping calm, allowed my BODY to move FASTER, to IMPROVE, to gain SKILL SETS and build ENDURANCE! 

IN FACT,  no matter how fast my feet would go, my breathe never changed.  It remained constant;  slow, steady and controlled.  

My feet where spinning, but my breathing remained slow----  
Breathe INNNNNNNN and OOUUUUT 

You know, this is how God calls us to be in life.  Not just on the field, not just running, but EVERY DAY LIFE!

He calls us to remain calm amongst the chaos.  

And how do we do that?

Focus!

What you focus on Grows!

You see if I had focused on my situation, my heart beating faster, my breathing getting quicker and more shallow. Allowed my mind to tell me I was going to pass out, or not be able to run anymore, or something was wrong, well then.... Something would have gone wrong!
I would have most likely passed out. 

However, I chose to redirect my focus on positivity and speak calmness into my breathe, into my heart and into my body. 

I FOCUSED on the controllable. 

You see we live in a world that is uncontrollable, full of chaos, fear, pain, hurt, destruction, disappointment... you name it. 

But if thats what we focus on, we will never overcome.  We will never live the life God has called us to be. 

God says, 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 
John 16:33


So we know we will have trouble, But he says... FOCUS ON ME SO THAT YOU MAY HAVE PEACE! I HAVE ALREADY OVERCOME THE WORLD.

Just like controlling your breathe in exercise by focusing on slowing your breathing, you can also control the peace in your life by focusing on Jesus.

When you focus on Him, He will give you peace amongst the storm, stability amongst the waves, and an anchor when your getting pushed around.

No matter the chaos, no matter the circumstance, slow down your breathe and focus on JESUS!

Remember no matter how fast your feet move, you can always control your breathe!

2016s FIX your eyes

At the close of yoga, Rachel, the instructor said something that spoke to me.  She said,

"There have been moments in this class where you thought you couldn't make it.  Just like maybe some points in this year, there have been times where you didn't think you would make it.  But you did. You are here. You made it." 

WOW!

So true.  In Yoga, there are moments where you feel like you are just going to fall over.  When you are trying to find your balance, focus on your breath, all while trying to stretch, and hold a position; that may be painful or uncomfortable can seriously make your mind begin to doubt and feel like you can NOT hold it for one more second.

There are moments in yoga where you wobble, and shake. You feel like you are going to fall over, you feel like you just won't make it.

The moment you begin to feed into those thoughts and believe you can't,  YOU ARE RIGHT!
You WILL lose your balance, you WILL lose your focus, you WILL lose your breath, and you WILL fall out of your pose.
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I don't know about you, but 2016 threw some pretty gnarly curve balls into my life.  Some really UGLY UGLY curve balls.  Like when the pitcher totally fools you and the ball ends up curving right into your face.  You end up laying in the dirt of the infield on home plate.  But instead of feeling like you're on home plate, you feel like you just struck out, embarrassed, knocked down in pain, down for the count, out of the game!

Like baseball, and yoga, in life you will strike out and you will fall.  You will wobble, you will have moments of feeling defeated and fooled.  You will have moments of pain.

But GOD has given us a secret to stay STANDING, even when we are being knocked around, and unstable in life.
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In Yoga, one of the keys to holding a pose, despite the discomfort and awkward position  is to KEEP FIX YOU EYES on a spot in the room.

FIX is defined as :

1. :  to make firm, stable, or stationary
   :  to give a permanent or final form to: as
   :  to change into a stable compound or available form

1. :  a determination of one's position

When you Fix your eyes on a spot in the room, all of a sudden the pose becomes effortless, and you begin to stabilize.


Just like yoga, in life, we also have a way to stay standing, sturdy and confident in our position of life.


We are to FIX OUR EYES upon Jesus in the midst of troubled times.
When life is throwing us curve balls, when life is causing us to wobble, sway, and feel like we are going to break or fall, JESUS will strengthen us, give us a strong posture, and allow us to MAKE IT through those moments when we feel like we just can't.

Hebrews 12:2

Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. 

For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame,

 and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

2016 may have caused pain, heartache and moments of feeling hopeless, but I am here to tell you YOU MADE IT!!
You have made it!


and the amazing thing is, that God does not just call us to MAKE IT.  He wants us to THRIVE during the times we feel like we can't make it.

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Through fixing our eyes upon Him, He will give you confidence, strength, creativity, motivation,  and reassurance that HE HAS A PLAN, and HE will Carry you through!

So, you may have JUST made it through 2016. THATS GREAT NEWS!

YOU MADE IT! 

BUT...

The BETTER news is....

now you know WHO will stabilize you and 

give you a posture of confidence, calmness, and prosperity 

AMONGST the unstable times. 

So when you feel like your wobbling, and your about to fall, FIX your eyes upon Jesus.
Remain calm, remain confident, and LOOK TO HIM!

He will not only stabilize you and get you through 2017 when uncertain times come,

 but HE will help you to thrive amongst it!

FIX YOUR EYES UPON JESUS, 

Breathe, Balance and Be CONFIDENT that Jesus will stabilize you no matter what 

2017 may throw at you! 

XOXO

-AMIE

A Season for a Blue Christmas

As we did our final stretches and breathing in hot yoga class, the song Blue Christmas came on.  

The words, 

"I'll have a blue Christmas without you" rang loud and clear! 

And it hit me... The first Christmas as a single mom. The first Christmas ALONE!

A part of me wanted to cry, another part of me wanted to ask the instructor to shut it off, another part of me refused to even acknowledge the fact that it is a "blue" Christmas and the other part of me said--> recognize it. 

Breathe it in... the SADNESS, the LONELINESS 
then....  breathe it out---->    BREATHE IT ALL OUT! 

Let it go.... 

then,  INHALE BIGGER--- JOY.  

Release the loneliness, release the sorrow, and allow JOY back in!

A few weeks back I went shopping without the kids and for the first time this year Christmas music came on.

I immediate was jolted, I felt alone, I felt heart broken.  I began to feel the sadness of the holidays. I began to realize the family I once knew at Christmas time is not the same anymore.  The family events, the Christmas parties, the kids being with us, with me, the entire time throughout the holiday season. In that one moment, of that one Christmas song, I was flooded with emotions. 

In the middle of the store I began to feel empty, my heart began to break and I began to tear up. Every inch of my body wanted to run out of that store and curl up into a ball. 
Maybe if I just ran from it, it wouldn't be real, Christmas wouldn't come. If I ran, I didn't have to actually face the fact this year. The fact that things were going to be VERY DIFFERENT. 

The thoughts of loneliness and fear popped up over the next few days. The dread of how awful this season was going to be, how terrible Christmas would be.  I teeter tottered on building myself up and trying to convince myself it was all going to be ok, and breaking down in feeling completely alone and sad, feeling like my children are being ripped from me, from family and from traditions. 

I prayed and cried out to God, 

and then He spoke, 

"things will be different, but this is an opportunity for NEW healthy traditions, NEW life, NEW adventures, And TIME for YOU to grow, strengthen and rely on me.  The tears are ok, having moments of feeling alone are ok, but do NOT stay there!  Dive into my word, come close to Me, because YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are NEVER ALONE.  

You are deeply loved, you are greatly valued.  

This is a season for change. Embrace the turning of leaves, the pruning of branches, the roots growing deeper. 

It may be painful, but through it I am preparing you for beautiful GROWTH.  This is just a season, you are not staying here." 

WHOAH ! 

God gave me permission to be angry and sad.  

Ecclesiastes 3:4 

There is a time to cry and a time to laugh.  A time to grieve and a time to dance. 

But then He said, take your eyes off of the storm, the pain, the loneliness, keep your eyes above the waves, and focus on ME! 

Colossians 3:2 

Keep your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on the earth.  

Isaiah 26:3 

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! 

God clearly spoke to me to get my thoughts off of MY PROBLEMS, and to focus on HIS PROMISES!  

I sat, I prayed... and I began to be ok with the changes that were and are going on around me. 

That doesn't mean it wont be tough, it won't be painful, but through it God will deepen my faith, and trust in Him. 

God is keeping my heart soft and open, as I grow stronger in Him. 

You see, you can take a potato and an egg, and throw them into the same boiling pot of water, and they will end up very differently. 

Both the potato and the egg are exposed to the same elements, the same HEAT.... but they react completely differently. 

The egg becomes hard, while the potato becomes soft. 

When the HEAT of life, the pain of life is turned WAY up, you have options. 

You can become bitter, angry, frustrated, hateful, desperate... 

or 

you can turn to God to soften your heart, to give you hope, a new perspective and stay optimistic. 

God says ---- 

He is with me.         

Genesis 28:15  

God is with me and will keep (watch over me with care, take notice of) me wherever I may go. 

He will comfort me.  

Psalm 27:10

If my father and mother should abandon me, the Lord would welcome and comfort me.  

He will never abandon me.  

John 14:18 

He will not abandon me or leave me as an orphan in the storm- He will come to me. 

He will strengthen me. 

Isaiah 41:10

I do not fear, for God is with me; I am not dismayed, for He is my God.  He will strengthen me and help me; He will uphold me with His righteous right hand.  

He will help me.

Psalm 46:1

God is my refuge and strength, and ever present help in trouble. 

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You see, the facts won't change.  

Life is different. Times will be difficult and painful.
I will have to spend some of the holidays alone and without my kids. 

But my faith has changed.  

I no longer anticipate sitting alone and crying my way through the time without my kids. (Although I may shed a few tears) I will not be depressed and mope around.  I won't be that hard boiled egg, bitter and angry. 

Instead, I will use it as time to grow my roots deeper in Christ. 

A time to help others, a time to serve, a time to share Gods love.  

When you focus on God, HE grows, and your perspective shifts. 

If your finding yourself hurting, lonely, depressed, or saddened this Holiday season, remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  

Remember, It's just a season, YOU WILL NOT STAY HERE!

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Pursue God.  

Dive into what He promises to you.  

When you ask him for help, He will come!

Psalm 25:16

(Lord) turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 

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As we finish up yoga, in our final breathes... (join me ...)

Put your hand over your heart (keep it there).

Take a BIG, LONG, DEEP breathe in

-and 

now empty your breathe COMPLETELY.

RELEASE- Fear, Anger, Sadness, Loneliness, Abandonment.... 

ONE MORE TIME....

BIG BREATH IN (make it longer and deeper this time)

-and

make sure to empty completely this time!!

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Do you feel that!? 

You are breathing! 

Your heart is beating! 

You are alive! 

....   that my friend IS enough to be joyful over this Christmas season!

However you may find yourself this SEASON, 
I am praying for you and sending you 

LOVE, JOY, PEACE AND BLESSINGS 

xoxo

-Amie

GOD CALLED ME TO RISE -2016

RISE is defined as : moving from a lower position to a higher position

Last year this time I prayed that God would give me a word for 2016.

He very clearly spoke RISE into me.

I wasn't sure what all that would mean for me throughout the year, however as I sit here and look back at my 2016 I see how God has continually called me to RISE UP and RISE ABOVE.

This word was by no mistake for this year.

And although from the outside, from a worldly perspective, you could say that as a whole, 2016 has not only turned my life upside down but also tore my life apart,

HOWEVER----

GOD IS NOT SAYING THAT.

God has made me a "Riser".

One who has gained strength in the Lord.

One who doesn't settle for worldly reports, But God reports.

One who has unfailing Faith.

He has brought me from a lower position---- Broken, Fearful and Lost, to a HIGHER position--- Whole, BOLD and confident!

My faith has grown radically, I am stepping up and stepping out pursing not my desires anymore but Gods desires.

He has shown me how to RISE ABOVE circumstances, rumors, lies, deception, anger, failures, manipulation, defeat...

I look back today and do not see my 2016 as turned upside down or fallen apart, but instead flipped RIGHT SIDE UP with everything falling into place.

-----

Thank you Jesus for making me a Riser !

Over the next year I will share with you more on how God has helped me become a RISER!

I am no different than you, if you feel broken, and like your life is falling apart, GOD TOO CAN HELP YOU RISE ABOVE!

Lead into the Lord, Seek HIM, Focus on His word and not the storm.

He will build your strength as you build your faith in God.

----

As I sit here in the last week of 2016,

now, I pray and I wait....

with anticipation for my next word--->

in 2017 💖