The words,
"I'll have a blue Christmas without you" rang loud and clear!
And it hit me... The first Christmas as a single mom. The first Christmas ALONE!
A part of me wanted to cry, another part of me wanted to ask the instructor to shut it off, another part of me refused to even acknowledge the fact that it is a "blue" Christmas and the other part of me said--> recognize it.
Breathe it in... the SADNESS, the LONELINESS
then.... breathe it out----> BREATHE IT ALL OUT!
then.... breathe it out----> BREATHE IT ALL OUT!
Let it go....
then, INHALE BIGGER--- JOY.
Release the loneliness, release the sorrow, and allow JOY back in!
A few weeks back I went shopping without the kids and for the first time this year Christmas music came on.
I immediate was jolted, I felt alone, I felt heart broken. I began to feel the sadness of the holidays. I began to realize the family I once knew at Christmas time is not the same anymore. The family events, the Christmas parties, the kids being with us, with me, the entire time throughout the holiday season. In that one moment, of that one Christmas song, I was flooded with emotions.
In the middle of the store I began to feel empty, my heart began to break and I began to tear up. Every inch of my body wanted to run out of that store and curl up into a ball.
Maybe if I just ran from it, it wouldn't be real, Christmas wouldn't come. If I ran, I didn't have to actually face the fact this year. The fact that things were going to be VERY DIFFERENT.
Maybe if I just ran from it, it wouldn't be real, Christmas wouldn't come. If I ran, I didn't have to actually face the fact this year. The fact that things were going to be VERY DIFFERENT.
The thoughts of loneliness and fear popped up over the next few days. The dread of how awful this season was going to be, how terrible Christmas would be. I teeter tottered on building myself up and trying to convince myself it was all going to be ok, and breaking down in feeling completely alone and sad, feeling like my children are being ripped from me, from family and from traditions.
I prayed and cried out to God,
and then He spoke,
"things will be different, but this is an opportunity for NEW healthy traditions, NEW life, NEW adventures, And TIME for YOU to grow, strengthen and rely on me. The tears are ok, having moments of feeling alone are ok, but do NOT stay there! Dive into my word, come close to Me, because YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are NEVER ALONE.
You are deeply loved, you are greatly valued.
This is a season for change. Embrace the turning of leaves, the pruning of branches, the roots growing deeper.
It may be painful, but through it I am preparing you for beautiful GROWTH. This is just a season, you are not staying here."
WHOAH !
God gave me permission to be angry and sad.
Ecclesiastes 3:4
There is a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.
But then He said, take your eyes off of the storm, the pain, the loneliness, keep your eyes above the waves, and focus on ME!
Colossians 3:2
Isaiah 26:3
God clearly spoke to me to get my thoughts off of MY PROBLEMS, and to focus on HIS PROMISES!
I sat, I prayed... and I began to be ok with the changes that were and are going on around me.
That doesn't mean it wont be tough, it won't be painful, but through it God will deepen my faith, and trust in Him.
God is keeping my heart soft and open, as I grow stronger in Him.
You see, you can take a potato and an egg, and throw them into the same boiling pot of water, and they will end up very differently.
Both the potato and the egg are exposed to the same elements, the same HEAT.... but they react completely differently.
The egg becomes hard, while the potato becomes soft.
When the HEAT of life, the pain of life is turned WAY up, you have options.
You can become bitter, angry, frustrated, hateful, desperate...
or
you can turn to God to soften your heart, to give you hope, a new perspective and stay optimistic.
or
you can turn to God to soften your heart, to give you hope, a new perspective and stay optimistic.
God says ----
He is with me.
Genesis 28:15
God is with me and will keep (watch over me with care, take notice of) me wherever I may go.
He will comfort me.
Psalm 27:10
If my father and mother should abandon me, the Lord would welcome and comfort me.
He will never abandon me.
John 14:18
He will not abandon me or leave me as an orphan in the storm- He will come to me.
He will strengthen me.
Isaiah 41:10
I do not fear, for God is with me; I am not dismayed, for He is my God. He will strengthen me and help me; He will uphold me with His righteous right hand.
He will help me.
Psalm 46:1
God is my refuge and strength, and ever present help in trouble.
-----
You see, the facts won't change.
Life is different. Times will be difficult and painful.
I will have to spend some of the holidays alone and without my kids.
But my faith has changed.
Life is different. Times will be difficult and painful.
I will have to spend some of the holidays alone and without my kids.
But my faith has changed.
I no longer anticipate sitting alone and crying my way through the time without my kids. (Although I may shed a few tears) I will not be depressed and mope around. I won't be that hard boiled egg, bitter and angry.
Instead, I will use it as time to grow my roots deeper in Christ.
A time to help others, a time to serve, a time to share Gods love.
When you focus on God, HE grows, and your perspective shifts.
If your finding yourself hurting, lonely, depressed, or saddened this Holiday season, remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Remember, It's just a season, YOU WILL NOT STAY HERE!
--------
--------
Pursue God.
Dive into what He promises to you.
When you ask him for help, He will come!
Psalm 25:16
(Lord) turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
-----------
As we finish up yoga, in our final breathes... (join me ...)
Put your hand over your heart (keep it there).
Take a BIG, LONG, DEEP breathe in
-and
now empty your breathe COMPLETELY.
RELEASE- Fear, Anger, Sadness, Loneliness, Abandonment....
ONE MORE TIME....
BIG BREATH IN (make it longer and deeper this time)
-and
make sure to empty completely this time!!
-----
Do you feel that!?
You are breathing!
Your heart is beating!
You are alive!
.... that my friend IS enough to be joyful over this Christmas season!
However you may find yourself this SEASON,
I am praying for you and sending you
I am praying for you and sending you
LOVE, JOY, PEACE AND BLESSINGS
xoxo
-Amie
Wow! This is exactly what I was talking about. What a message to share the comfort of Christ in all times but for now this Holiday Season. Prayers of strength, healing and love.Geat post!
ReplyDeleteThank you So much De Bolton ! You inspired me girl friend!
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